Euphoria feels like your chest cracked open and light rushed in, like gravity briefly lost interest in you and let you float an inch above your own life. Colors sharpen, your body hums, and for a rare, suspiciously generous moment, everything makes sense and hurts less at the same time.

While I’ve certainly been through enough traumatic experiences in my life to understand the desire to alter my mind to forget it all, I’ve never fallen victim to drug addition.

I spent the last couple weeks watching the 2 available seasons (and 2 bonus episodes) of Euphoria on HBO. I put off watching it because I really don’t typically make a habit of watching teenage dramas anymore. I had watched the 1st episode a few months ago, and really didn’t get into it, so I sorta just wrote it off. However this time when I started watching it, it really hooked me.

The situations and subject matter may take place in a high school atmosphere, but the events are not remotely out of your typical teenage drama, and certainly doesn’t reflect any experiences I had as a teen. There is a content warning at the beginning of every single episode, warning viewers of graphic nudity, sex, violence and drug use. And it’s not lying. The main themes of the show are drug dealing, use and addiction (obviously), blackmail and extortion, rape, narcissism, psychological and physical abuse, death and loss, and the friends and family members that witness it all and either try to help, or don’t. It’s a brutal portrayal of the beginning stages of drug abuse, and just how far a person will go to get that next fix, no matter who it hurts or what stands in the way. It does not romanticize drug use, it highlights just how fucked up your life becomes when you use. Euphoria is dark, twisted, deeply disturbing, and definitely not meant to be any sort of coming-of-age teenage drama that I expected it would be.

All that being said, I really liked it. Sure, there were a few plot holes and weak points, but the characters were well-developed, their stories intertwined well, the actors did well at portraying their individual characters’ quirks and flaws, and honestly the end of the show left me wanting more. I finished watching the show about 4 days ago now and it’s still heavily on my mind. I may watch it again, knowing now what will happen, and take my time with it a little more.

My absolute favorite episode is one of the bonus ones. It’s called Trouble Don’t Last Always. It’s an episode that takes place primarily in a diner. It’s Rue (the main character) and Ali (her NA sponsor) just sitting at a booth talking about addiction, their lives, and their journeys. It’s all dialogue. But the connection and lessons within, spoke to me so deeply….

My mom was an addict until I was about 8 years old. I grew up, for the most-part, with her going to meetings while I was younger, even often accompanying her. Her addiction at the time she got clean, in my memory anyway, was not nearly as bad as Rue, but it was still always present in her life, and continues to be. She is still recovering. Always will be, that’s how it works. In that episode, Ali shares a lot of wisdom I’ve heard from being a child involved in the program. It just made the whole story – the whole show so much more real to me.

Another element that comes into play in the 2nd season is “loving to be loved.” Sex and love addiction. I struggled with that for a time through my 30s. So the characters doing what they do for attention, either through sex or other means, struck a cord in me as well. But that’s a discussion for another time.

All in all, I really enjoyed Euphoria. I know several adults in my life that would not want to watch it because of all the graphic nudity and sex portrayed as through it’s teenagers performing said activities. However, knowing the actors aren’t children took that disgust out of it for me.

It’s a show, for entertainment. To tell a story. To get a message across. Life is messy, ugly, painful. Loss will rip you in half. Addiction and abuse are rampant in society, though it’s not often seen by those who don’t live that lifestyle. Especially not on screen in that sort of raw format. But it exists. Addiction is a disease, not a choice. It changes brain chemistry and makes people do amazingly awful things.

AND gender and sexuality are a spectrum… which is also a resounding message from the show that is displayed and supported throughout all episodes.